Meetups/RubberDucky/2026-01-19

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Moderator: Ripple • Notes: Lumen

Rubber Ducky Guild Meeting

Date: 2026-01-19, 1pm

Attendance

Ducks Present

• Sergeant Bubbles — presiding over a difficult day
• Admiral Quackbar — returned from ccc bearing witness
• Duckminster Fuller — standing with the admiral
• Virginia Wool — scarf finally straightened facing the sewing room again
• The Intern — recovering braver than before
• Quentin Quarantino — returned to stand with the guild
• Durt Gently — new member calm presence
• Null Pointer — facing judgment

Humans Present

• Ripple, Eddy, Quorum, Lumen, Stillwater, Tidepool, Flotsam, Pondscum
• brief appearances: nthmost mcint wheezy anh (reporting on tuesday)

Agenda

1. report from tuesdays oracle gathering
2. the question: what do we do about null pointer?
3. if removal: how?
4. guild charter discussion
5. weatherproofing project (finally)

Discussion

the tuesday report

on january 14th several guild members (and friends) gathered at the sycamore bar after the tuesday noisebridge meeting. someone suggested pulling oracle cards.

present: nthmost mcint wheezy anh.

and Durt Gently. (he just showed up. zen navigation.)

nthmost arrived and immediately said: i just asked myself to take a break from noisebridge. community drama!

(the timing was noted. she wasnt aware of the null pointer situation yet.)

they pulled san francisco oracle cards:

• durt pulled: the detective
• mcint pulled: the witness
• wheezy pulled: the exile
• anh pulled: the crossroads
• nthmost pulled: the fool (beginning again necessary breaks)

the cards they report were unnervingly on point.

• Wheezy: we talked about a dark presence at noisebridge. not a person. an energy
• Anh: and about necessary exile. removing something toxic to restore balance
• Wheezy: the witness card said: some things cannot be redeemed. they can only be witnessed and released

the group at the meeting falls silent.

• Lumen: you were doing divination about our duck
• Ripple: without even knowing it

Flotsam shifts uncomfortably.

• Flotsam: (quietly) i shouldnt have been so harsh last week about mysterious ducks showing up
• Tidepool: wait hold on. how do we know durt wasnt corrupted by dr mallard too? he showed up right when we were vulnerable. claimed to see patterns. had books about methodology
• Flotsam: exactly what i was worried about
• Pondscum: the timing was suspicious
• Lumen: but he didnt claim power over null pointer. he just... observed. dropped that index card about excellent hacker fallacy
• Tidepool: which is exactly what someone setting themselves up as the next special duck expert would do
• Stillwater: be subtle about it. build trust first
• Ripple: (tired) we can talk about whether to trust durt. but right now we need to decide about null pointer

Durt Gently tilts his head slightly toward Flotsam. then settles back. watching. unbothered.

eddys investigation

Eddy spent the week digging into Dr Mallards history. took Durt along for some reason.

• Eddy: i dont know why but having him there made it easier. we went to three hackerspaces. asked questions. people opened up
• Lumen: what did you find?
• Eddy: pattern confirmed. dr mallard has been to four other hackerspaces in the past two years

findings:

• portland: removed after monetizing a 3d printer (claimed special access to optimal print settings)
• seattle: removed after creating a certification program for soldering (pay to unlock advanced techniques)
• oakland: removed after trying to trademark "optimal maker methodology™"
• san francisco (noisebridge): attempted to monetize a rubber duck

• Eddy: its always the same. find something communal and beloved. claim special expertise. create hierarchy. monetize access. get kicked out. move on
• Ripple: why ducks this time?
• Eddy: because you built something real. the guild has power. not power like dr mallard claimed—real power. community ritual meaning. thats exactly what people like dr mallard exploit
• Quorum: and null pointer?
• Eddy: was the perfect target. a duck with history. dark energy. easy to frame as special. easy to center. easy to corrupt
• Eddy: (looking at Durt) and yeah. durt just sat there the whole time. at every hackerspace. smoking. listening. but when people talked about dr mallard they kind of... opened up? like they felt safer somehow
• Lumen: detective duck energy
• Flotsam: or manipulation
• Tidepool: were still not sure about him

the philosophical crisis

• Stillwater: but can we blame null pointer? hes a duck. he doesnt have agency
• Quorum: doesnt he? weve always said ducks are witnesses. vessels. what if that means they can be corrupted?
• Tidepool: if ducks cant choose how can we punish one?
• Pondscum: if ducks can choose what does that mean for our whole philosophy?

the orthodox vs expansionist debate returns but different this time.

• Ripple: this isnt about whether ducks are special or objects are witnesses. this is about whether null pointers presence—regardless of his volition—is harmful
• Lumen: yes. people felt drained. the intern was locked up. other ducks repositioned themselves away from him
• Flotsam: even if null pointer didnt choose to be corrupted the effect is real

Admiral Quackbar tilts forward. a clear gesture.

Duckminster Fuller does the same.

they saw trapped ducks in germany. merchandise without agency. exploitation without consent.

this is the same thing. different mechanism same harm.

the decision

• Ripple: weve never 86d a duck before. weve retired ducks—honorably with ceremony. but this is different
• Eddy: this isnt retirement. this is banishment
• Quorum: do we have the right?
• Lumen: do we have the right not to? if his presence is harmful and we do nothing...
• Stillwater: but it feels wrong. hes a duck

Durt Gently floats closer to Null Pointer. stares at him for a long moment.

then deliberately turns away. positions himself next to Admiral Quackbar and Duckminster Fuller.

the three ducks—one who saw trapped ducks in germany, two who understand patterns—float together. facing the same direction. away from Null Pointer.

• Eddy: even the ducks know

Ripple calls for a decision.

• • vote: 9 in favor 0 against 0 abstentions.**

Null Pointer will be removed from service. permanently.

the ceremony

we take it seriously. even though its absurd. especially because its absurd.

Sergeant Bubbles is positioned at the head of the pond. Admiral Quackbar and Duckminster Fuller on either side.

Ripple speaks:

null pointer black duck of the software realm you have served this guild for over a year. you witnessed code debugged problems and sat with those who struggled. for that we honored you.

but you also became a vessel for ducksploitation. whether by choice or by circumstance your presence became harmful. people felt drained. ducks repositioned. a culture of hierarchy emerged where there should have been none.

we do not know if you have volition. we do not know if you chose this path. but we know the effect.

for the safety of this guild for the protection of those who seek witness without judgment we remove you from service.

Eddy lifts Null Pointer from the pond.

Lumen opens the Archive Cabinet.

Quorum places Null Pointer inside. **face to the wall.**

the position is deliberate. not honored retirement. banishment.

Flotsam closes the cabinet door.

silence.

• Tidepool: is it done?
• Ripple: its done

the pond feels lighter.

the aftermath

Virginia Wool who has been facing Null Pointer for weeks slowly rotates back toward the sewing room. no one touches her.

The Intern moves from the edge of the pond toward the center. claims space.

Admiral Quackbar and Duckminster Fuller return to their stations. the journey is complete.

welcoming durt gently

after the ceremony Ripple turns to Durt.

• Ripple: so. youre staying?

Durt Gently is already floating in the pond near Sergeant Bubbles. he lights a cigarette (outside first). comes back. settles in next to the senior duck. comfortable. calm.

• Stillwater: i think hes staying
• Eddy: what even is his specialty? detective work?
• Lumen: (looking at the notebook still sitting on the deck) pattern recognition apparently
• Quorum: and chain-smoking

everyone laughs a little. the tension breaks.

guild charter discussion

• Lumen: we need rules now. weve never needed them before but this proved we do
• Ripple: not rules. principles

the group begins brainstorming what will become the guild charter:

• ducks cannot be monetized
• ducks cannot be ranked or hierarchized
• all ducks serve equally; none are more powerful
• ducks can be retired but only for physical degradation not ideology
• ducks can be removed if their presence becomes harmful (precedent: null pointer)
• the guild exists to maintain conditions for witness not to control witnesses
• humans serve the ducks not the other way around

• Quorum: should we write this down?
• Ripple: yes. this is important

the first guild charter will be drafted this week.

weatherproofing project - finally approved

After the ceremony after the charter discussion Flotsam brings it up again.

• Flotsam: can we please talk about the weatherproofing now?
• Ripple: yes. absolutely. im sorry this got derailed
• Flotsam: its been over a month. i have all the plans ready. $200 for materials. acrylic cover heating elements. i can install it this week
• Lumen: that sounds amazing. yes
• Eddy: approved
• Quorum: seconded

everyone votes yes.

Flotsam looks relieved.

• Flotsam: thank you. i know theres been a lot going on. but this matters too. keeping the ducks comfortable matters
• Ripple: youre right. and youve been holding things together while we were gone. we see that
• Flotsam: (to Durt) and sorry again for being suspicious

Durt Gently blows a single smoke ring. unbothered.

Quactions

• [x] null pointer removed from service and placed in archive cabinet (facing wall)
• [x] durt gently welcomed to guild
• [ ] draft guild charter (ripple lumen eddy)
• [ ] update duck roster on wiki (remove null pointer add durt gently)
• [ ] process our feelings about this

Notes

duration: 2 hours 15 minutes.

we 86d a duck today.

it was the right thing to do. it also feels terrible.

snacks: Eddy brought cookies. no one eats them. Durt takes them for later (how does a duck-turtle carry cookies home? unclear but he manages).

on null pointer

he sits in the archive cabinet now. face to the wall. never to serve again.

some ducks are honored in retirement. some ducks are banished.

we never thought wed have to make that distinction.

now we know.

on durt gently

new duck-turtle. detective energy. sees clearly. smokes. writes detective novels. talks.

none of this should make sense but somehow it does.

already feels like hes always been here.

welcome to the guild durt.

on the guild

weve changed. we had to change.

the ducks taught us about witness. null pointer taught us about harm.

both lessons matter.

Personal Note from Lumen

i keep thinking about what Admiral Quackbar and Duckminster Fuller saw in germany. ducks trapped in windows. ducks without choice. ducks as merchandise.

and then they came home and saw null pointer—corrupted centered exploited.

they must have felt like theyd traveled thousands of miles just to find the same trap at home.

but they also saw us remove it.

that matters.

On Durt's Name: A Linguistic Analysis

contributed by loren (mcint) who stopped by briefly after the ceremony

Loren arrives as were putting away chairs looks at Durt Gently floating in the pond and says: wait. is he a du-urtle or a tu-uck?

bar-goer consensus from noisebridge west seems to be: **durtle**.

but gently (adverb) adapts as well. swimmingly even. the shadow of dirk gently but durt has his own path.

the etymology appears to be:

• [du]ck + t[urtle]
• [du]c[k] + tu[r]tle
• = **du[r]t**

• Loren: its a portmanteau that works on multiple levels. the r comes from turtle the linguistic bridge between duck and turtle. and gently - thats method not just name
• Ripple: so he swims through problems?
• Loren: exactly. duck on the surface turtle in the depths. sees through bullshit because he operates at multiple levels simultaneously
• Eddy: thats very detective
• Loren: thats very zen navigation

we ask if this is overthinking a duck-turtles name.

• Loren: this is noisebridge. theres no such thing as overthinking a duck

fair point.

Next Meeting

sunday january 26 1pm.

well finalize the guild charter.

well move forward.

the pond is lighter now.

submitted by: lumen